Twas the night before Christmas spent at my mother’s house,
Trying to sleep in her spare room next to my sweet snoring spouse.
Until now I’ve never spent a Christmas with my mom and my wife
Which, as husband knows, is one of the secrets to a long happy life.
Mom’s time honored ornaments and decorations are hung everywhere
There may be stockings on the chimney (I don’t really care.)
I did set the alarm clock but it won’t be ringing soon;
In a house full of grandparents, why open presents before noon?
From the window I can see shadows from the bright moon’s glow,
We’re driving back to Nevada tomorrow so I’m OK with a Christmas without snow.
I had taken an Ambien and some NyQuil with a shot of Irish Cream
So I was about ready for a drug-induced coma and a nice holiday dream.
Then, from the townhouse next door, there rose such a clatter
That I woke up my wife to go find out what was the matter.
My lovely bride woke up with her usual feminine grace,
She swore like a sailor and threatened to rip the lips from my face.
Sandra doesn’t bluff and would have taken me out
If the louts next door hadn’t started to scream and shout.
There were thumps and bumps and the occasional roar
So Sandra decided I should go stifle the hoodlums next door.
I pounded on the wall and yelled, “Hey, shut up, keep it down!”
Which was answered by someone saying, “Come make me you clown!”
I wasn’t in the mood to take a lot more,
So I put on my shoes and headed next door.
“Come on guys, we’re trying to catch some shut-eye.”
Suddenly the noise stopped and I heard a laughing reply.
“Come and play with us, it’s more fun when there’s four”
I hate to be a spoil-sport but sometimes that’s what a big brother is for.
That’s right, when I confronted the source of all the annoying noise
It was turned out to be my brother-in-law playing Mario Kart with our boys.
Suddenly, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But my baby sister dressed as an elf and pouring a beer!
I figure there’s plenty of time to sleep when I’m dead,
“Hand me a controller and pour me one,” was all that I said.
We played and we yelled and somehow survived
Until just before dawn when Sandra arrived.
My mother and sister live right next door to each other,
Which is the best present possible for this son and this brother.
You may read this in the morning or afternoon but that’s all right,
Because I’m still going to wish a Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
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