Another year has come and gone and, you guessed it, I’m going to write another one of those predictable year in review columns. Since the world is scheduled to end next December and this will be my very last year in review column, instead of reviewing the headlines, I’m going to share some of the lesser-known but more interesting stuff that happened this year.
Before I review 2011, let’s not forget that it was one year ago tonight that some soulless jerk cut down the Shoe Tree. Many locals believe that Osama Bin Laden was behind the attack, but that’s never been proven, so I think we should double the watch on other national treasures tonight. I’ve volunteered to guard the Playboy mansion.
In January ten year-old Kathryn Gray become the youngest person ever to discover a super nova. It’s impressive when anyone discovers a super nova but for a little girl to do it is more impressive and for a Canadian to do something scientifically impressive is just plain amazing.
When the great blizzard of 2011 hit in February, closed roads and caused power outages and affected one third of the US population. Both of Chicago’s airports were closed and over 1300 flights were cancelled at O’Hare alone. The governor of Wisconsin called it an emergency; in Chicago they called it Tuesday.
In March the eastern cougar was officially declared extinct in the United States. I can tell you from personal experience that there are still plenty of cougars roaming the western US. Between the cougars and the lounge lizards, a guy can’t go to the head during happy hour without someone’s grandma offering to pay his rent for a quick slap ad tickle.
Jihad Spring came in April this year and there was an uprising in Libya, protests in Bahrain, Syria, Yemen, Jordan, Oman and Saudi Arabia and a crisis in the Ivory Coast. I’m still trying to determine the criteria differentiating an uprising from a protest or a crisis but I suspect if the angry mob can be turned away by police it is a protest, the National Guard may be needed for an uprising whereas a crisis requires mobilizing the army; but I could be wrong.
There were three events of note in May; John Higgins won the World Snooker Championship for the fourth time, the UN predicted that the world’s population would reach seven billion by October 31st and the Navy Seals demonstrated the concept of karma by killing Osama Bin Laden. It’s not been confirmed but there is a strong local rumor that there was a cry of “Remember the Shoe Tree” heard just before he was shot.
The sky was the focus of the big news in June when there was a really cool total eclipse of the moon. That should have been the coolest thing that happened in space this year; but this is 2011 and that wasn’t even the coolest thing that happened in June.
The sun, not to be outdone, literally exploded into the largest Coronal Mass Ejection (CME) ever observed. I have no idea what that means but when the mushroom cloud of the CME stuff collapsed back down it covered more than half the sun’s surface and that scares the living poop out of me.
In July Lord Hanningfield, a former member of the UK Parliament, was jailed for what the BBC referred to as “fiddling his parliamentary expenses.” I have no idea what that means either but, much like the CME, the thought of it scares me, too.
Speaking of the UK, in August several BBC journalists staged a 24-hour strike protesting something called “planned redundancies” and then they did it again! Get it? Man, those British reporters crack me up.
On September 5th my wife and I celebrated our Silver Anniversary then of course, September 11th marked the 10th anniversary of…well September 11th. Let’s face it; September has been a rough month for me over the years.
October started on a Saturday, the next day was my daughter Katie’s birthday and then October ended on a Monday. For those of you paying attention, I don’t know if the planet’s seven billionth baby was born on the 31st, but there were a lot of kids wearing costumes that night so it could have happened.
In November Sandra and I went to the Bahamas for a week then came home and celebrated Thanksgiving with our kids. Other stuff probably happened, but I drank rum in the Bahamas and played football with my grandkids so I don’t really care!
December started on my daughter Sarah’s birthday, as it always does. Tiger Woods won a golf tournament this month and for the first time in a dozen years, that’s news. Then, sadly, we’re already into the Bowl Games and another college football season is essentially over. Now I understand why the holidays get people down; I am depressed.
2011 brought us the fifth largest earthquake ever recorded, volcanic eruptions, a terrible tsunami in Japan, a drought in Texas and floods in North Dakota. We had the biggest tornado outbreak in recorded history; over 1,800 tornadoes hit the US killing 552 people. To put that in proper perspective 584 people were killed in the ten years prior.
Now brace yourselves, because next year is 2012 and, to quote Bill Murray in Caddy Shack, “I don’t think the heavy stuff is going to come down for a while.” Happy New Year!
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