What Parker Taught Me

My newest grandson, Parker Lee Drayton, arrived last week and my world has forever changed. As I held him for the first time I realized that I was holding a tiny bundle of potential; he could be a future heavyweight champion of the world or a brain surgeon or, if he’s really lucky he could be somebody’s grandpa someday.

He opened his little eyes and looked at me with innocent curiosity, he had no preconceived notion of who or even what I was but he was checking me out because he wanted to know. There was something about his look that was pure and sweet … but different, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

I’ve been watching him pretty close for most of his six day life now, that’s not creepy because I’m his grandpa, and I’ve seen that same look in his big blue eyes every day. It was there when he saw the dog for the first time and when he looked around his little nursery. There’s a calm when he discovers things but something more… but I couldn’t still quite figure it out.

Parker is as fascinated with his fingers as he is with the ceiling fan in the family room. The doorbell and the dog’s bark interested him but didn’t scare him…it’s almost like he’s fearlessly curios … but that’s not it either.

When doting aunt’s and uncles, curios cousins and even his funny looking old grandpoppy coo at him, kiss him and sniff his head (admit it, we all do it) he just looks back with that steady open gaze that seems to ask, “What’s up with the head sniffing?”

This morning I spent an hour just walking with him around the house and watched his eyes constantly scanning everything from pictures on the wall to tress and flowers outside the front window. He was clearly storing away every new image and anxious for the next. He looked at the drawstring from my hoodie with the same fascination that he had for my goatee (which he seemed irresistibly drawn to) when it occurred to me what I was seeing in his eyes.

The whole world is new to Parker so he has absolutely no expectations. No wonder he is so constantly fascinated with everything he sees! Can you imagine what it would be like to spend just one day viewing the world without any expectations? To allow yourself to be amazed by sights, sounds and tastes without feeling the need to compare it to anything or to draw a conclusion.

I’ve never considered how much expectations influence how I perceive the world. I think that’s why I love traveling so much; when I visit a new place I’m fascinated by it’s sights, smells, tastes and activities with fewer expectations than I have when returning to someplace familiar.

When I think back I remember the pure excitement I felt experiencing things for the first time. I remember thrill I felt blowing out the candle on my birthday cake, the first time I went to the movies, my first bike, my first kiss (Diane Parr, the summer after fourth grade…she was hot); a thrill that faded a little over time. I distinctly remember the first time I ever ate strawberry shortcake with whipped cream on it…it was summer we were on a picnic and I was convinced that life would never be better.

I still love strawberry shortcake and whipped cream but it’s never been quite the same again. I realized that I’ve spent most of my adult life chasing new places and new experiences trying to avoid the disappointment that comes when something falls short of my expectation.

Suddenly it occurs to me that I get to choose my expectations. What if, like Parker, we can choose to let each day be a new one and to accept each experience for what it is with no expectations? Crap! Just think of how much money I could save on air fare alone!

Imagine throwing away expectations and enjoying a cold beer on a hot summer night, a romantic kiss and that special smell of a baby’s head like it was the first time…every time.

I’ve joked that the secret to happiness was lowered expectations but I was wrong. Parker taught me that expectations are the first ingredient to disappointment and we don’t need them. 

I’ve got to run…there’re so many things I need to experience without expectations. I need to order a pizza, watch Blazing Saddles and then go to the store so I can make strawberry shortcake later … with whipped cream!