This may not
come as a surprise to most of you but there are times when I sit down to write and
I just don’t have much to say … no really, it’s true. This is one of those
times so instead of boring you with a long meaningless rant on a specific
subject; I’m going to bore you with some random thought in short meaningless
rants.
For example,
I think the recent trend toward legalizing marijuana is a good thing. I’m not a
pot head (anymore), like most Americans I get my chemical amusement from booze
and prescription medication, but I think that stoners make a unique
contribution to American culture. Let’s face it, nobody else is going to engage
in an in-depth debate over whether Underdog or Super Chicken had the coolest
theme song, but stoners will and I think that’s a discussion this country
needs!
Is anyone
else over the whole pageantry of the Olympic opening ceremonies? Maybe I’m just
a grumpy old man but I really don’t care about a graphic presentation of the
history of Russia, I just want to watch the heart pounding action of world
class athletes competing in thrill-a-minute winter sports … like women’s
curling!
There’s just
something about broom wielding women from around the world furiously sweeping
and yelling “Yup” that just does it for me. I still have my 2010 Women of
Olympic Curling calendar … can’t wait for the new one to come out!
I read an
article about some moron in El Paso who is facing up to two years in prison for
urinating on the Alamo. This genius
apparently couldn’t hold it long enough to walk to one of the many public
restroom available at the Alamo and decided to relieve himself on the wall of
the 260 year old landmark.
It turns out
that taking a leak on the Alamo is a felony in Texas (who knew?) and the local
District Attorney is asking for the maximum penalty of two years in jail
stating, “The message here is don’t whiz on the Alamo.” Good to know;
apparently the “Don’t Mess with Texas” slogan is just part of the story …. You probably
shouldn’t piss on it either!
Valentine’s
Day is here again and I just don’t care. Valentine’s Day is a lose-lose situation
for guys because if we forget it altogether or give an inappropriate gift we
end up in the doghouse. If you give a card and flowers you haven’t given it any
effort, which means you don’t care enough so you’re in the crapper. If you give
her expensive jewelry it means you are trying too hard and are either desperate
or making up for something she hasn’t discovered yet … and you’re back in the
crapper! You can’t win.
I saw a
commercial last night suggesting that nothing says “I love you” like sending
your beloved an oversized stuffed bear. Really? Speaking strictly for myself,
I’d have to think twice about a relationship with a woman who’d actually want
an oversized stuffed bear … unless she was on the Russian Women’s Curling team!
How do you
know when a penguin is depressed? I saw an article about some penguins at a
maritime sanctuary in England who were reportedly depressed because there has
been just too much rain lately. The penguin experts at the sanctuary decided
that the birds needed some prescription “happy pills” to cheer them up. I guess
marijuana isn’t legal in England yet either.
A professor
at Central Michigan University is offering a “Walking Dead Zombie Studies”
class. Remember when going to college was to educate you to be a productive
member of society? Apparently going to Central Michigan University will educate
you on how to survive the zombie apocalypse. Maybe if we taught chemistry,
medicine or engineering we could avoid a zombie apocalypse altogether … or
maybe we could manufacture stuff again or cure cancer or just keep the lights
on in Detroit. Maybe I’m aiming too high.
I read that
police in Colorado cited a ten year old girl who put her mom’s car in gear and
crashed into a building for reckless driving. Are you kidding me? Of course she
was driving recklessly, she’s ten years old! I’m thinking either the policeman
or her mother must have been smoking some of that legal “Rocky Mountain High”
that they sell in Colorado.
I could
ramble on all day about random stuff but there’s a curling match coming on the
tube in a few minutes! I wonder if the new calendar is out yet …
No comments:
Post a Comment