I keep hearing about raising unemployment numbers and how competition for good job is fiercer than ever. I admit that I’m no expert on getting or keeping a job; I think I may have stumbled across part of the problem.
I read an article this week about some of the ridiculous things that people have actually said during job interviews. If these comments are any indication of how people perform in a job interview, it’s no mystery why they are unemployed.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s natural to be nervous when you’re interviewing for a job, and there’s nothing normal about voluntarily sitting down and presenting yourself for a total stranger to judge your worthiness to do a job that you probably don’t want to do in the first place.
I’ve choked during job interviews before and it’s been my experience that when you’re really nervous, the less you say, the better. You’re much more likely to talk yourself out of a job than you are to talk yourself into one.
Take the case of the lady in New Jersey who arrived 20 minutes late for her interview and explained to her perspective employer that she was late “because my husband and I were fighting, it happens all the time.”
She might have managed to salvage the interview if she had just shut up and answered questions; but if she had done that I wouldn’t be telling you this story. Instead, our heroine explained to the interviewer that she had lost her last job because she and her husband were constantly fighting and she was constantly late for work as a result.
Not done yet, she went on to explain that her former employer had no respect for families because they failed to understand that these things happen. The article didn’t say but I’m guessing that she didn’t get the job.
Another genius apologized for yawning and talking slow during her interview and explained, “That’s just because I just took a Xanax.” Time to shut up and hope for the best, right?
Nope, she went on to tell her new boss-to–be that she frequently took tranquilizers prior to meeting with customers or making presentations because they took the edge off and then added, “I don’t think I’m doing poorly, do you?”
I don’t mean to pick on the ladies; men can screw up an interview just as well. Take, for example, the moron who thought he was charming his way into more than a job. When he asked out the young lady conducting his interview she was offended and told her boss that she was too uncomfortable to finish the interview.
When the manager told Mr. Wonderful that his behavior was inappropriate he winked at her and said, ‘Well, you’re cute, too!”
Finally, consider the gentleman who asked his interviewer if it was possible for him to work form home. When asked why he responded that he was in an anger management program because he had punched a co-worker at his last job and he really wanted to avoid “conflicts with the losers in your office.”
You’ve got to like a guy who is trying to improve himself, you don’t have to hire him, but you’ve got to like him.
As a guy who has sat on both sides of the interview table, I’ve compiled a list of words and behaviors to avoid during a job interview.
Always refer to the person interviewing you with familiar personal nicknames like Sweetie or Babe; unless you actually want the job.
If you want some inside advice for a successful job interview I’ve got two words for you: dental hygiene. Having clean teeth and fresh breath probably never actually got anyone a job, but I can almost guarantee you that if you show up with breath like a diseased yak, you’re not getting that job.
More helpful interviewing hints include:
- Forget anything you ever learned at an employment workshop, if those people knew how to get a good job they would have good jobs.
- Don’t wear a tie and if the guy interviewing you is wearing a tie; leave. You don’t want that job.
- Bring an expensive gift, people like that.
- Try not to pass gas, but if you do, don’t cover your nose and accuse the interviewer. People don’t like that.
If you’re unemployed and you want a job remember to brush your teeth, show up on time and avoid Xanax…until after the interview!
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