It’s been a while since I checked the mailbag and shared
some reader’s comments. After filtering out the comments containing threats of
legal action, inappropriate language and misspelled words, dickhead is not
hyphenated …any eighth-grader knows
that, there are still some interesting ones.
After a recent posting on proper manly behavior several
ladies felt the need to point out how wrong and narrow-minded I was…imagine
that. I simply pointed out that real men, particularly real American men, eat meat,
drink beer and carry guns. I might have mentioned womanizing in my description,
OK I did include womanizing but my experience…I mean… my journalistic integrity
requires that I call them the way I see them.
One nice lady suggested that that if men spent more time
listening to women, eating vegetables and “experiencing sensitivity” we could
keep a good woman and not need to womanize. OK Baby, whatever. I would probably
live longer if I gave up chili-cheeseburgers, bourbon and defying death in
third world countries… but why would I want to? Besides, the thing this broad
obviously doesn’t get is that men don’t womanize because we need to, we do it
because we like to.
After reading the very same post a male reader responded by
commenting, “Rick Seley for President 2020!” While I appreciate the vote of
confidence from this obviously well educated and cultured gentleman, I’m not
interested in the job. I answered his enthusiastic endorsement by explaining
that I don’t know how to Tweet so, clearly I’m not qualified for the job.
Last month I wrote that I wanted to visit Mount Rushmore
before they closed it to add President Trump’s face to it. It shouldn’t have surprised me that any joke
about President Trump would incite extreme responses….but somehow it still did.
One gentleman commented that not only should Trump be added
to Mount Rushmore but, “Killary, O’Bummer and all them other commie sons of
bitches should have to chisel it on the chain gang!” Another suggested that
President Trump’s face should be chiseled every quarter of a mile along the
south facing side of his new wall along the southern border.
Yet another reader suggested that it would be more
appropriate to stencil his face on non-gender specific port-a-potties and still
another suggested that his head would have to be added to Rushmore at ground
level in order to fit an accurate sculpture of his hair.
Please keep in mind that column was posted a full two weeks
before he was even inaugurated….also keep in mind it was a joke so please stop
sending me threats and whatever that white powdery substance is.
Over a month ago I wrote that, “celebrities are like fear
and telemarketers, if you don’t pay attention to them, they eventually go
away.” Just yesterday I received an email declaring that I was obviously wrong
because “those Hollywood libtards were all over the Academy Award show the
other night.” Yeah well, obviously you missed my point if you watched the
Academy Award show….but I appreciate the feedback, Son. I knew that boy wasn’t
right.
Recently I waxed philosophical about the difference between
a belief and a fact. I honestly thought that I artfully managed to illustrate
that it’s not only possible but not that unusual for most of us to believe
something that isn’t a fact without using any political references or innuendo.
Not so much.
The very first comment I received pretty much summed up the
rest by clearly stating, “Trump said it, I believe it and that settles it!” Another
made it personal by saying, “I believe you’re not funny but it’s a fact that
you should stop wasting space in the newspaper.” Well Hell… the title of the
column was “Beliefs, facts, Slim Jims and beer” and nobody bitched about the
Slim Jims or beer. Still, the fact is I wasn’t as artful as I believed, which
kind of proves my point.
Oh, I almost forgot the lady who wrote, “We get it, you
don’t like cottage cheese, enough with the cottage cheese already!” I hear you
loud and clear and I won’t mention that repugnant crap again…wait…starting next
week.
You can’t get rich writing a humor column for small
newspapers or posting a semi funny blog online. I made my fortune in industrial
espionage and international arms dealing so I do this for fun. The stuff you
write back shows that a lot of you are funnier than me and a few of you are as
twisted as I am and that gives me hope for humanity.
Like Jimmy Buffett said, “If we couldn’t laugh we would all
go insane.”
No comments:
Post a Comment