Who Said That?

Recently the media has been abuzz with a snappy quote from actor Denzel Washington. While promoting his new movie, “Fences” Mr. Washington told a group of reporters that, “If you don’t read the newspapers you’re uninformed. If you read the newspapers you’re misinformed.” Truly a very witty and very true quote.

Social media lit up with memes quoting Mr. Washington’s clever quote and now a whole generation of young Americans have been exposed to that great line, which is a good thing. The interesting thing is that Mark Twain wrote that line decades ago….so I guess if you read Facebook you’re misinformed as well.

It’s not my intent to bash Denzel Washington, in fact if you listen to his entire quote he was spot on with his criticism of the press and I agree with him. As a humorist I admire writers who come up with great lines, hell even a good line, and I think they should get credit for it.

Every week I see new memes online where great quotes are credited to the wrong people. I can’t keep up with the tidal wave of misquoted quips flooding the Internet and I’m betting you can’t either. Let’s play a little game of “Who really said that?”  I’ll give you the quote and you see if you can guess who really said it. You win absolutely nothing if you get them all right but you don’t have to click on a link and wade through a dozen ads to take it so what have you got to lose? Here we go:

“I came form a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.”  Was that: A) Rodney Dangerfield, B) El Guapo or C) Lewis Grizzard? As much as I’d like to take credit for it, Lewis Grizzard wrote that. Grizzard was a great American humorist who once said,” Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.” You should really read some Lewis Grizzard.

“Getting your news from twitter is like asking a cat for directions.” Was that: A) Andy Borowitz, B) El Guapo or C) Donald J Trump? Admit it, you thought it was Trump! Andy Borowitz, probably the funniest humor columnist in America today (well, he’s the best if you like smart informed humor, second best if you prefer humor using the word “poop”), wrote that little gem.

“The act of giving or receiving a gift is much like the act of making love; the anticipation is often better than what you actually get but its poor form to complain about either.” Is it: A) Oscar Wilde, B) El Guapo or C) Ruth Bader Ginsburg? I tried to make that one easy…I wrote that a couple of years ago! I know a lot of you guessed Justice Ginsburg but, no, it was vintage El Guapo.

“A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.” Was that: A) Dan Jenkins, B) Tiger Woods or C) Bill Clinton? You notice I didn’t include myself in this group because it is well known that I know absolutely nothing about golf or marriage. The great Dan Jenkins wrote that. Jenkins, who once wrote “The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow” was an expert at both marriage and golf.

“ Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that.” Who said that: A) Jimmy Fallon, B) El Guapo or C) George Carlin? Jimmy Fallon wishes he said that! Of course George Carlin said that, no list of great quotes would be complete without including a line from Carlin!

“ Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” Was that: A) Oscar Wilde, B) Oscar Wilde or C) Oscar Wilde? OK, it was Oscar Wilde. Maybe the most quotable English speaking person ever…with the possible exception of Yogi Berra, Oscar Wilde once said that, “Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing to do.” I’ve decided to spend the rest of my life testing that theory…so far, so good.

I feel like I need to throw in a gratuitous Yogi Berra quote since I brought him up. Yogi Berra wasn’t a humorist or a writer but he had a natural unique relationship with the English language that worked for him. Yogi once said, “he future ain’t what it used to be” ….so true Yogi, so true.

So how did you do on my little quiz? I got five out of six right…I missed the Borowitz quote, I fall for that Trump and Twitter thing every time!

For the record, it was also Oscar Wilde who wrote that, “ Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”  It’s my hope that this post just proved that to be true.