A Bull Named Fumanchu

It’s not a big secret that I’m not a huge country music fan so it probably won’t come as a big surprise that I only recently discovered a song performed by a fellow named Tim McGraw called, “Live like you were dying.” Apparently Mr. McGraw is an established country musician who’s sold a lot of records and even married another country celebrity who I am told is talented and attractive. It's all news to me but good for him!

The song, which it turns out was a huge hit during the first “W” administration, is about a man’s reaction after learning he had some sort of serious or terminal disease. If you’ve been living under a rock or, like me just listen to rock, you may have never heard this song but you should listen to it. It’s a decent song and is really well written…even I can enjoy a country song that’s well written.

 I suppose it struck me because I was in a similar situation a while back when I got that diagnosis that we all dread. I wish I could tell you that I waxed poetic, got busy on a bucket list and became a better man like the guy in the song… I wish I could tell you that but I don’t want to lie to you.

In the song the guy is asked how he plans to live, knowing that he is dying. He answers that he went skydiving, Rocky Mountain climbing then in the coolest line in the song he say he, “went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu.” I don’t care who you are or what kind of music you like, a bull named Fumanchu is cool; full-on Steve McQueen cool. I can assure I’ve never been that cool, certainly not after my got my diagnosis. I whimpered a lot and began a steady diet of opioids and Wild Turkey.

The thing is that I had already done all of those things long before I knew I was sick, not because I’m that cool but mostly because I was young and stupid at the time. To be honest, I never really went skydiving. Technically skydiving is willfully jumping out of an aircraft then, after some period of freefalling and theoretically experiencing some Zen-like rush, pulling your rip chord, opening the chute and enjoying the ride down. Suffice it to say my experience just a bit different.

I knuckled in to peer pressure and participated in a group static line jump back in my misguided youth. I’m pretty sure I would have chickened out before the jump if anyone had actually asked me, but no one asked and I didn’t want to be the only guy to not jump so I did. I remember my girlish screams being drowned out by the roar of the air rushing by, the punishing jolt as my chute opened and forgetting everything they taught me about landing. So departing a functioning airplane didn’t make my bucket list.

I’ve never technically been mountain climbing either but I’ve taken 50 foot flying face-plants off Rocky Mountain cliffs from my mountain bike so I’ll check that block. Heck, you could almost count that as skydiving now that I think about it.

Of course I never did 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu but I did jump on the back of a bull my friend’s dad had in a corral when I was a teenager. Most of us had never seen a real bull up close and we were amazed at how big he was. A kid named Tommy Yazzie offered $5 to anyone who would jump off the corral onto his back. I didn’t have $5 or the sense God gave a piss-ant so I jumped from the top of the corral landing about three quarters mounted on the bull.

No one was timing my “ride” but I doubt it took 2.7 seconds for the bull to run through the corral fence, sending me flying and leaving me covered in splinters and cow shit. I don’t know if that bull had a name, I never heard my friend’s dad call it by any particular name but he sure as hell called me a few names that afternoon.

The song makes a valid point, too many of us live our lives doing things we’d never do if we knew our days were numbered and time was precious. Things like doing jobs we hate, visiting our in-laws or watching chick-flicks. Avoid that nonsense because, the thing is, all of our days are numbered from the day we’re born and time is precious.

I wish I could tell you that’s why I’ve made so many stupid and rash decisions throughout my life or why I retired in my 50’s… but it’s really not. I live this way because I’m a self indulgent slacker, if the song makes it sound kind of noble I guess that’s cool….but not as cool as a bull named Fumanchu!