Occupation:Slacker

Lately I’ve been pondering the idea of retirement, not from writing but from gainful employment. Sorry if I got your hopes up for a moment. While it’s true that I haven’t held a real nine-to-five gig for several years now and it’s also true that I usually work from home except for the occasional exotic international business trip and that I have always been embarrassingly overpaid for my efforts; even that grind interferes with the life of genuine slacking that I’ve always desired.

By normal standards I am not old enough or wealthy enough to retire. Conventional wisdom is that you should be in your sixties and be economically stable before you voluntarily give up your steady paycheck. I’m not in my sixties (stop laughing, I’m really not) and I’m certainly not financially stable, then again I am neither conventional or wise so at least I’m consistent if not very smart.

I think everyone reaches a point when selling your time for money is less important than spending time with your loved ones and pursuing lifelong dreams and passions. Honestly I can’t say I’ve reached that point but I can say that my desire to be the consummate slacker is overpowering my desire to work for a living.

Everyone approaches retirement in different ways. Some people plan meticulously to ensure their home and cars are paid off and in good condition so they can enjoy the fruits of their lifetime of labor into their golden years. OK, so I read that last sentence in a pamphlet at the credit union but I figure there must be some people who actually do that….I’m not one of them.

Other folks work right up to the day when they are physically unable to continue, I’ve never understood that way of thinking but I know it happens. I’ve been told that there are people who are driven by professional achievement and derive their sense of self worth from it….that sounds kind of sick to me but I have it on good authority that it’s true.  Clearly I don’t fall into either of those categories.

The truth is that my inflated sense of self worth has never been influenced by professional achievement, my inflated sense self worth has survived unemployment and several professional setbacks so I’m pretty sure they are not connected. I would’ve never even known I had an inflated sense of self worth if I hadn’t been married….wives are great at keeping you informed about stuff like that.

I could tell you that life is short and unpredictable so I want to live it to the fullest while I still can which would be true if life were a beer commercial, but it’s not and that’s not why I’m ready to retire.  I might claim that I have plans to write the great American novel but, let’s face it, that’s not likely and it’s certainly not why I want to hang up my cleats for good.

The fact is that I’ve finally reached a point in my life when being me is the only full time job I care to do anymore. I’m lucky enough to be able to indulge that desire so I’m going to. I’m not going to go climb Everest or run with the bulls in Spain, I’m just going mow my lawn, write a lot more meaningless gibberish and do my best to become a burden to my kids. I know that’s aiming high but that’s the kind of guy I am.

Some people might say that I’ll live to regret this decision or that I’m retiring too soon and they may be right…but I’m willing to take that chance. You may think I’m being self indulgent or selfish and if so, I can live with that. It seems to me that self indulgence has been given a bad rap, there are times when indulging yourself is not only acceptable but appropriate. Then again my desire to be a full time slacker is almost certainly clouding my judgment about this so I could be wrong.

Over the years I’ve noticed that things are a lot more fun when I’m making decisions about my life than when life is happening to me. I’m not afraid of making a bad choice because most of the best times of my life came as a result of bad judgment and poor choices and I have pictures to prove it!

For the record I’m not advocating this course of action for anyone else, I’m a slacker not a role model. I should also point out that the different between being a slacker and being a bum is that no one else has to pay my way. A slacker can support himself but is driven more by the desire to throw away his alarm clock than to acquire more stuff.

By the time you read this I will have been retired for a week and, if all goes right I will have been relaxing on another continent for most of that week. If thing don’t go to plan I have no idea where I’ll be but you can bet I’ll be wearing shorts and need a shave!