Not So Serious After All

Several months ago I took a short hiatus from writing, which is writer-speak for I decided to quit writing for a while. I gave myself the standard excuses for taking a break from my weekly trip into El Guapo’s world. The increased work from my real job and my mother’s failing health just didn’t leave me enough time to write 750 almost clever words every week. I’ll confess now that was pure panther poop.

While it is true that my mother’s health has been failing and it’s also true that I have other employment (though it’s a stretch to call it a real job), neither is the real reason I quit writing. I quit writing because I convinced myself that I was too stressed to consistently write semi-humorous stuff; what a load of crocodile crap … I was just taking myself too seriously. Huh, imagine that.

The best part about being me is probably my hair, but next to that it’s almost certainly my short attention span. My inability to pay attention for very long generally makes it tough for me to take things seriously. This innate ability to blow off even the most serious situation has cost me marriages, jobs and friends but it’s also kept me from taking myself too seriously … until recently.

The truth is I can write from almost anywhere and it just doesn’t take that long to whip out a mediocre humor column  … but that was the problem. I had plenty of time to write a mediocre humor column but I wasn’t taking the time to write my humor column; the clever … well … almost clever material that literally tens of people have come to expect from El Guapo. I read some of my recent posts and they sounded more like an old guy whining about life than a smart ass laughing at it.

I’m a typical middle-aged American male, which is to say I’ve accepted mediocrity in nearly every aspect of my life. It’s true that I sold my sports car when I got married, I’ve seen Bridget Jones’ Diary several times, I cut my hair and took a corporate job and I’ve even consumed light beer (I know, I’m not proud of it). That’s all seriously depressing stuff to be sure, but I’ve also watched the sunrise in Paris and lost a game of Go Fish to my granddaughter in the last few weeks, so who am I to get serious or depressed?

I acknowledge that the compromises of aging, marriage and my addiction to comfortable living have made mediocrity a part of my life; but the irreverent slacker who writes wise ass stuff for money is still who I am. I forgot that for a while but I won’t again because a man should follow his passions, but mostly because the chances of me keeping my six-figure phony baloney job for too much longer are pretty slim.

So I’m back at the keyboard ready to share my wise-assery every Friday about this time. In my absence the media has probably had you convinced that these are scary and depressing days but, as you may have guessed, I have a different take.

In the coming weeks we’ll catch up a bit on some of the mildly amusing and even truly hilarious stuff that I haven’t had the chance to annoy you with lately. All of the insanity I usually share with you has been backing up in my head and that just can’t be good for me!

I have burning questions that need to be explored like:

-       Which is it ISIL, ISIS or Daesh and do they really think those black jammies they wear are scary?

-       Does anyone really want to win the NFC East?

-       What is that rodent stapled to Donald Trump’s head?

-       What did everyone who stood in line to buy early tickets to the new Star Wars movie have in common? Wait, I’ll answer this one; a penis. They all had a penis.

-       Did Bernie Sanders really serve in the Civil War? What regiment was he in and why are his records sealed?

-       Is it true that after the final season of American Idol Ryan ‘Feakin’ Seacrest will take a job as Trump’s hairdresser?

It’s true that we live in a dangerous and scary world but it’s also true that the world is populated by humans who’re constantly doing stupid and outrageous shit and it’s my job to point that out whenever possible!

Next weeks burning question; Is this turkey still good?