The world is a whacky place so I rarely have to look far for
material for this blog As I sit here writing this I can see a pelican
fishing in the bayou outside my window; if you’ve ever doubted that God has a
sense of humor take a good look at a pelican … it’s pretty clear that God has a
heavenly sense of humor.
Every once in a while it’s fun to do a little research to
find strange but amusing stuff. You don’t need to go to those weird fantasy websites,
in fact, I’d recommend avoiding any website that includes the word “fantasy”
because you never know who might click the “History” button on your computer…
not that I know anything about that … oh, never mind … just don’t do it!
Luckily, you don’t have to do any research at all to find
strange but amusing facts because I’ve already done it for you! What a strange
service I provide; to think up mildly musing stuff and, failing that, to look
up mildly amusing stuff then share it with you. That’s why they pay me the
mediocre money!
For example, did you know that studies have revealed that
approximately 15% of matter in the air of a typical subway station consists of
human skin? I can tell that is true but that isn’t even the weirdest part of
what those studies found; it also showed that the skin came mostly from the
heel of the foot, armpits and butts. I find that a bit odd because whenever I
go to a subway station or to a Subway restaurant for that matter, I’m almost
always wearing a shirt, shoes and pants; almost always.
You might expect skin from hands, forearms or even cheeks
(stop it, I meant facial cheeks) because they are generally uncovered. Butt
skin … really? No wonder the Japanese wear mask while riding the subway!
If Disneyland is the happiest place on Earth (and the jury
is still out on that one; have you been to Hooters?) then the Italian island of
Povgelia may well be the saddest place. The small island has been the site of
battles, a quarantine area for plague victims and, eventually, the home of an
asylum for the mentally ill. At one point it was offered up to some monks to
use as a monastery but even these guys who had taken a vow of silence, poverty
and (ugh) chastity decided homelessness was better than Povgelia.
After a doctor from the asylum threw himself off the wall
reportedly to escape some very aggressive ghosts, the Italian government
offered a 99-year lease to anyone who wanted the island; there were no offers. The
Italian government considers the island to be so dangerously haunted that they
officially restrict the public from visiting. I’m not fluent in Italian but I’m
pretty sure that Povgelia is from the Latin “mythica ubanica” or, in modern
terms, bullshit.
Pentheraphobia is the unnatural fear of your mother-in-law.
I don’t have a joke for this one; I just thought you should know.
Mississippi newspapers from 1942 tell of a man known only as
“The Phantom Barber” who broke into people’s homes at night just to cut their
hair. Normally I don’t go in for local lore or legends but I believe in the
Phantom Barber and I think he’s still around. I can’t prove his existence but
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some of his work. Don’t believe me? Look around the
Jackson Airport during a two-hour layover or visit a casino in Biloxi then get
back to me on that. Yikes!
It’s said that if you put two straws in your mouth, one
inside a drink and one outside of it you will not be able to drink from either
straw … well of course you can’t! If you try that you’re a moron and should not
be allowed to play with straws.
Consuming dynamite has been known to turn urine deep red or
amber in color which people often mistake for blood. How often? Who are these
people and why are they eating dynamite? Why do we know or care what color
their pee is? What the hell?
Believe it or not I didn’t make any of this stuff up; OK I
didn’t completely make this stuff up. I couldn’t make this stuff like this up,
I’m just not that clever. The thing is, I don’t have to because we live in a
whacky world. A world with pelicans and fantasy websites … or so I’m told.
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