Survival of the fittest...my ass!

I read my own blog from last week (and in doing so doubled my normal readership) and l dozed off before I got to my point….  whatever it was. For those who read El Guapo for entertainment, I’m sorry for falling short…oh and if you’re looking here for entertainment you probably need to get out moe. For those who read it to get away from the doom and glow of the normal news cycle and were in need of a nap…you’re welcome.

This week I return to my roots as a writer and do what I do best…make fun of the human condition from the perspective of a slacker who is evolving into a cranky old man. No really, it’s true...I’ve notice the more hair I find growing in my ears the less I feel like lounging around drinking beer and telling lies and the more I feel like telling some kid to get off my lawn.

That’s another post for another day!

The natural smart ass in me can’t help but take pleasure in proving Darwin wrong. After a life of watching and reporting the never ending, ever astounding acts of human moronic behavior; I am convinced that if Darwin have been right and only the strong survive, there’s just no way there would be so many stupid people providing me with great material to write about.

The American people are once again demonstrating that they will not be dictated to about the important things in life.  They have taken to the internet by the tens of thousands to sign a petition to prevent a terrible injustice before it happens.

They’re not petitioning to prevent the impending attack on Syria or the overhaul of the healthcare system…they’re up in arms about really important stuff! The petition is to prevent Ben Affleck from being cast as Batman in a movie that hasn’t even been made yet!

At last count over 70,000 adult Americans, have decided that this is the issue that needed to take a stand on. No bearded Boston liberal can be menacing enough to play Batman and, by gum, no elite liberal Hollywood fat cats can force that on us!

Makes you proud to be an American! I can only speak for myself…but I’ve got goose bumps right now.

Additional, more scientific, proof that Darwin’s survival of the fittest concept is a load of crap can be found in a recent study by a professor at Villanova University. Elizabeth Dowdell reported that 25 to 30 percent of college students studied admitted that they had texted in their sleep! Yup, we can now add sleep texting to the long list of excuses for poor judgments exercised late at night.

People have already blamed sleep walking, sleep driving, sleep eating and even used the “I did it in my sleep” defense in court for criminal behavior; hell, my wife has been punching me in her sleep for the last 20 years…but sleep texting?!? Really?

I’ll bet Professor Dowdell didn’t find any guys over the age of 40 “sleep texting”…most of us can barely text when we’re awake. Talking in our sleep, maybe; sleep walking, possibly; farting in bed, absolutely…but there is no way a guy my age could text in his sleep.

An example given in the study was of one young co-ed who texted sweet nothings to her ex-boyfriend while sleeping, even inviting him over to her room after confessing her undying love for him. Imagine this poor schmuck’s confusion when he shows up ready for some romance only to have her deny ever texting him.

Could it be that when she answered her door and saw this lummox in heat standing there panting after running from his dorm that she remembered why she broke up with him in the first place? Naw…picking up her phone and writing full sentences one letter at a time while being sound asleep makes much more sense….if you’re being funded to study sleep texting I guess.

Professor Dowdell’s research revealed that almost half of the students asked admitted that they slept with their phone in or near their bed. That really shouldn’t come as a big surprise because most 18 to 26 year olds that I know are rarely far from their phone…but somehow it still shocked me a bit to hear that they actually sleep with them.

Most of these same students complained that they suffered from lack of sleep and were chronically exhausted. I’m not a doctor and I can’t remember the last time I stayed at a Holiday Inn Express but I’ve got a novel idea…turn off your freakin’ phone and go to sleep! Survival of the fittest my ass!

And stay off my lawn!!!